Spiritual Sunday: the Big Question

DISCLAIMER: I AM IN NO WAY TRYING TO TEACH ANYONE A SINGLE THING ABOUT RELIGION OR SPIRITUALITY. I HAVE NO EDUCATIONAL BACKGROUND IN RELIGION AND I DO NOT KNOW EVERYTHING.

I’m just some dude who dabbled in various religions, and found an unexpected home in the Christian Bible. All of my posts regarding religion are mere discussion. I’m simply thinking in blog form. That being said, respectful criticism and dialogue is always welcome.

Most of the people in my life are fully aware that I’m transgendered. I’ve been out and proud for years, and only in situations where I feel I could be in danger do I attempt to hide the truth of who I am. Even when I do try to stay “stealth” to a person or group of people for whatever reason, it doesn’t last long before I inadvertently or intentionally out myself.

However, people often don’t know that I’m Christian. When I first fell in love with the Gospel, I was afraid to admit it to anyone for a variety of reasons. I know it sounds terrible, because it is one of our responsibilities as Christians to share the Word and direct all glory to God, but I struggled for a long time just to proclaim my newfound beliefs. I was a devout atheist for most of my life. “Christianity” was a curse word, and the Bible was a collection of nonsense stories designed to control people and provide excuses to judge and discriminate (of course I had never read a single passage when I felt these things so strongly).

I was partly ashamed to admit that I had found some sort of resonance with the book that I spewed hatred toward for years. At the same time, I knew that the majority of the Christian community would reject me as soon as they knew about my trans history. I was even afraid of the confusion that I knew I would stir if I told a non-Christian that I fell in love with the God that everyone knew rejected people like me.

Quickly, my interest in Christianity grew. I won’t go into great detail in this particular post, but I found resources and scholars that suggested that God can and does love people like me. I visited churches that openly welcomed people like me. I even found many other people just like me, both transgendered AND Christian. As my relationship with Jesus grew, I found myself becoming more and more confident and comfortable with proclaiming His name and sharing my faith with others.

However, for a long time I still struggled with reconciling my faith with my gender identity despite all of the comfort that these resources and wonderful people brought me. It seemed like the vast majority of Christians still believed that there was no place for people like me with God, not if we continued to identify as a different gender than we were assigned at birth. If so many people agreed that my gender was a dealbreaker for God, how could I not consider it? After all, I suddenly had this deep love for Him. I wanted to do right in His eyes. I didn’t want to deliberately continue to commit what was allegedly a very serious sin.

It drove me crazy for a long time. I tried to talk myself out of being trans. I tried to pray my transgender identity and dysphoria away. I begged God to help me change so that I could live the way all these Christians told me I was supposed to live. I even spoke to online Christian counselors in hopes that they could help me sort out this mess and lead me to a more righteous life. But nothing worked.

I’ll elaborate in the future about how the Bible helped me come to the conclusion that I am transgendered for a reason and that I am, indeed, loved by God as I am. For now, I’ll just state that I have come to that conclusion. I am confident in my identity as both a transgendered individual AND as a Christian.

The big question: How can someone be transgendered and Christian at the same time?

The short answer: The same way everyone else is a billion different things and Christian at the same time, by believing in Jesus with all their heart and soul.

For you are all children of God through faith in Christ Jesus

Galatians 3:26

The Journey Begins

Thanks for joining me!

Good company in a journey makes the way seem shorter. — Izaak Walton

Blog.

It’s a word that dances around the minds of many people in today’s tech-dominated world. I’m sure most people have at least considered starting one. After all, it seems to be a powerful way to share thoughts and ideas. Rumor has it that there is also money to be made through quality blogging.

Truth be told, I’ve pondered the idea on many different occasions for many different reasons. I’ve even made accounts on various blog hosting sites with full intent to really do this “blog” thing. All of those accounts stayed dry, however. I ran into the same problem each time I hit that “Create Account” button, the same dead end with each attempt.

I HAD NOTHING TO SAY.

“What could I possibly say that hasn’t already been said? What could my boring life possibly have to offer for strangers on the internet?”

What was I thinking selling myself short like that? It dawned on me tonight that I certainly have more to say than I had realized during my many previous attempts to join the blog train.

Here’s a little bit about me: I’m 21 years old. I live in a small, boring town surrounded by the vast cornfields of Illinois. Yeah, I’m that guy that sometimes says I’m “from Chicago,” when, in all actuality, I seldom find myself there and I’m a good 70 miles away. In my defense, I’m from the kind of town where everyone’s response is, “Where’s that?” A lie it may be, but “I’m from Chicago” is a much easier answer.

I’m currently going to school to be a teacher, Elementary/Special Education. From what I’ve seen, some teacher’s have some pretty interesting blogs.

My fiancé, who happens to be significantly older than me, has a 5 year old son (who I’ll often call Orange Boy, ever since I got to know Svetlana, Shameless fans feel me). Which makes me a soon-to-be step-dad. Obviously, I’m overflowing with thoughts and stories surrounding that red-headed turd (who I love dearly, by the way).

I’m also a transgendered man. I began my transition at the young age of 17. After years of injections and one long-awaited surgery, I’m pretty comfortable in my own skin and pretty well-versed in transitional affairs.

This next tidbit about me may seem to some as a contradiction to my last point, but I’m also a Christian. Pick up your jaw, it actually is possibly to be trans AND Christian, and there are more of us than you even know.

My spiritual journey began after living most of my life as a stubborn and bitter atheist. “Christianity” to me was a loaded word. It held a wide array of negative connotations pointing toward hatred, lies, brainwashing, and hypocrisy. “Christianity” has been redefined by a process that I will certainly elaborate on later, but in short, I no longer hate Christianity. My faith is still a developing entity and I expect my beliefs to continue to evolve in the future, but I’m quite certain I’ll be on that journey with Christ.

I’m also very opinionated. With every major event or controversy, I tend to have a spiel to share. Just ask my boringly UN-opinionated friends who are sick and tired of hearing them.

Often times, when Orange Boy is at Dad’s house, my fiancé and I go on long drives at odd hours of the night. It’s a nice way to spend quiet-time together. We usually wind up in deep conversations and existential crises. It was during one of these tonight that I realized I really do have so much to say. As a transgendered Christian and future husband/step-dad/teacher, how could I not? So here I am.

I plan for this blog to be a wide array of things with no primary topic, because my life really has so many complex layers. I’ll certainly talk about my accomplishments and progress within my transition, and I’ll definitely share some of my experiences and tips for transitioning. I’ll probably whine about college, and I’ll probably share some of the great fears and joys regarding my imminent domestication that comes with marriage and children. I’ll definitely share some of my faith and philosophical thoughts, but I promise, I’m not the aggressive, “you’re going to burn in Hell” Christian.

Hopefully someone can get something out of the words I’ll throw here, but at the very least, I hope that this new hobby will help me grow and evolve for the better.

Thanks for reading. There will definitely be more to come.

-Greyson